måndag 5 september 2011

I think I got it. [comments on freedom]

Came to uni from work and was looking through my e-mail. Got some messages, replied and now checking out my friends and what they're up to this grey Monday afternoon.
Scrolling through my friend list in Vkonkate.ru (Russian FB type of website) , everyones statuses - love, success, loneliness, proverbs and philosophies of life - but most of all relationship-related yada yada. Who is with who, who is happy where and who hates their motherfucking x girl - /boy friend. The usual break ups and make ups statuses are all about realizing freedom. Freedom of choice and freedom of behaviour and freedom to think for oneself..
and suddenly it hit me.

I had a call from an old friend of mine a few months ago who was very sad and told me he broke up with his beloved girlfriend of a few years, whom he supposedly was going to marry - at least according to her, he ensured me - her controlling ways got him insane and tired. So finally after not been able to speak to any female friends - he finally got the freedom to give me a call. Asking me to get a flight and visit him. As I am myself very familiar with all these sudden freedom "sprees",  I never took this seriously. And not to my surprise I was right - days later he was back on the track in the cage he fled from.
Not the first time, and very often - wayyyy too often, this type of contacting happens and I finally see a clear pattern.
Pattern I am not happy to see.

Men who might have liked you in any way - as soon as they have a possibility to give you that shout, they will come texting, ringing and messaging, flirting, and crying and begging to meet.
My question is - since there has been a substantial amount of this type of communication seeking - why the hell me.

A long time ago now, I was deprived of freedom in my young years because of my strict upbringing. I did not like that and so I decided to be free. A decision I had to fight for. When I grew up (lets say 20) I was in a relationship - I retained my human rights - such as meeting friends and going out. This - I soon found out was not a right for many of my "relationshipes" friends in my international social circle. Some had to come home a certain time, were not allowed to be friends with the opposite sex  without getting jealous phone calls from their "significant others", or wear 'revealing' clothes etc. So some of them envied me. Probably wondering how the hell I was not restricted. How could someone be trusted to that "extend" ? Well lets say I was blessed on that matter. (very unusual...?)

So what do these people do the first thing they get their 'human rights' back ? They run wild. And so who do they call to socialize ? Me - since clearly I'm some kind of a freaking symbol of freedom ! Great. Thank you very much. Im flattered.
My freedom came at a cost and was not so easy to attain. (I have very strict parents for European norms.).

What is their excuse..

Well. Shit.

I am not looking for a man who wants to spend his "new found" freedom with me. I see this as disrespect.

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